You Don't Choose Your Family
by Andi88
Summary: Or, Let's Put All the Fan Family Theories Together and See What Happens. Emma has a conversation with her parents and son about the madness that is their extended family. One Shot!


**Hey guys! I got this idea after watching Manhattan, and just couldn't resist writing it. It's just a short, funny (I hope!) conversation between Emma and her parents during a lull in whatever shitstorm is brewing on the show. While not crack per se, this is NOT meant to be taken seriously, and if characters (coughCharmingcough) seem OOC, I did it on purpose. :)**

**Also, please note that this is working purely off of spoilers, speculation, and fan theories, including one theory of my own. Therefor this fic should be AU within the next episode or two, unless Once is really going to get this crazy and I'm the queen of theories! LOL. If you want to know which of these theories I actually believe will be true, feel free to PM me! I love to speculate with people!**

* * *

"What a day," Snow sighed, leaning against the headboard and watching with interest as her husband removed his shirt before climbing into bed beside her.

"You can say that again," David said with a grunt. "I think I'm finally beginning to see the merit in a normal life here in Storybrooke. I'm getting too old for all this insanity."

"Don't say that, it just reminds me that we're technically in our fifties."

David grinned and rolled over, pinning his wife beneath him. He leisurely ran his hand up her body, from thigh to ribcage, mischievously avoiding places Snow would much rather him touch. "Well, my love, find comfort in the fact that this body is _definitely _not in its fifties."

Snow wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer and giggled quietly. She had to forcefully remind herself that they were no longer in the apartment alone, therefor had to keep quiet. "We really need to find a house, Charming. I think we've been slightly spoiled having the place to ourselves while Emma and Henry were gone and I, for one would rather not be walked in on again!."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I guess you're right. We've been on our best behavior while they're here, but I swear Emma has been avoiding the table and kitchen counters. It's like she knows."

"You're imagining things, Charming."

"No, he's not."

Snow and David flew apart, eyes immediately going to the curtain, which was closed. They learned THAT lesson the hard way.

"Emma?" Snow called.

"Can I come in? Are you guys...uh, decent?"

David chuckled. "Yes, come in," he stuck one leg out of the comforter so his daughter could easily tell that he was, indeed, wearing pajama pants.

Emma moved the curtain aside and stepped in, looking uncomfortable yet strangely needy. Exhaustion was written on every feature of her face. "Is there any other piece of furniture I should avoid?"

David smirked. "If you feel that way about it, I'm surprised you're in here at all!" Snow elbowed him in the ribs.

"Well, actually being in here isn't bad...since it's kind of obvious. I'd just prefer you two stay away from places where we eat. Kay?"

"Deal," Snow laughed, blushing, but then turned serious. "What's wrong, Emma? It's late. After the day we had, I'd have figured you'd be dead to the world until at least noon."

"I'm sorry," Emma raised a hand to rub her other arm. "I don't mean to bother you...I just..." her big eyes asked a question her mouth didn't dare to.

Snow smiled knowingly and scooted over, almost knocking David off the bed, and patted the empty space beside her.

Emma flopped head-first on to the bed with a dramatic sigh and whined into the pillow.

Snow immediately stroked her daughter's hair, heart breaking at all the stress her little girl had been forced into lately. It was a lot for someone unused to these sorts of adventures to take. "Emma, sweetie, I can't understand you."

Emma turned her head to face her mother, and Snow wanted nothing more than to scoop her baby into her arms at the sight of those wide eyes, bright with unshed tears, she wisely kept herself in check, however.

"It's too much," Emma said. "After meeting my son, finding out that my mom and dad are Snow White and Prince Charming, and going on a field trip to my birth place where I discovered that I have magic, I didn't think anything could surprise me anymore. But these past few days? I can't...this is all way too overwhelming!"

"I know, Em," Snow continued to stroke her hair. "It's a lot for all of us to handle."

"But at least none of us have to handle it alone," David said, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder. "We're together. That's all that matters."

Emma gave her parents a tired smile. "Yeah. I don't think I'd stay sane without you guys."

"Everything is going to turn out okay," Snow said. "You'll see. Just give it time."

Emma frowned again. "But...but...my son's father is the son of Rumpelstiltskin."

David huffed. "And now Gold thinks he can just waltz in and be Grampa of the year! Can you believe he gave Henry a real sword?!"

"Focus, Charming," Snow murmured.

Emma continued as if she hadn't heard them."And...and...Regina...is my cousin. And Cora is my great aunt."

Snow bit her lip. "Yeah...that's...weird."

"And The Evil Queen and my baby-daddy are siblings."

Snow groaned. "Oh Lord, that's even weirder...so wait..."

Emma and David turned their attention on her.

"Henry...is the son of the Savior - the most powerful being, possibly ever," Emma rolled her eyes. "His grandparents are Snow White, Prince Charming, and Rumpelstiltskin," David muttered something about Gold being a "wannabe". "His great, great aunt is Cora. And Regina...Regina is his aunt..."

"And third cousin," David added.

"And adoptive mother," said Emma.

Snow sighed. "And step-great grandmother."

All three were quiet for some time, contemplating in horror this child's screwed up family tree, until David oh-so-eloquently broke the silence.

"...What the hell did I marry into?"

Snow and Emma proceeded to grab pillows and beat him with them, until he fell off the other side of the bed.

"Stay!" Snow snapped, pointing down to her husband now sprawled on the floor, between the bed and the wall.

"Oh God," Emma moaned.

"What?"

"I forgot to tell you guys something."

Snow winced. "Oh no, do I want to know?"

From his safe position in banishment, David groaned.

Emma fell back onto the mattress. "Neal? He's also Peter Pan."

"..."

"..."

Snow blinked. "As in, _the _Peter Pan...how..."

"Don't even know," Emma said. "So there's that too. Henry is the offspring of the Savior and Peter Pan," she continued in a whisper, "I can't believe I _slept_ with Peter freaking Pan."

"Don't wanna hear about it," David warned.

"Charming, you do know how Henry got here, don't you?"

"Don't wanna hear about it," David sat up, resting his elbows on the bed before continuing. "On another note, what you're saying is, he's NealFire Pan?"

David had to duck back down as he was attacked once again with the remaining pillows.

Snow turned to face her distraught daughter once more, scowling when she heard her husband chuckle.

"Hehe, all of the pillows are mine..."

"That's all you're getting tonight, _Charming_."

"Damn."

"So do you really think all this is going to be okay?" Emma asked, her voice raising a few octaves. "This is a lot of crazy. And I know crazy. Even if my definition of it has been perminantly altered."

Snow laid down, her head next to her daughter's. "I know it will. Eventually, we'll figure everything out. In the meantime, we just work on being a family, and raising that precious little boy. He's the only thing that's keeping this madness from exploding."

"...into the shitstorm that it is."

"Shut up, _Dad,"_ Emma snapped.

"Aw...she called me Dad!"

"Charming, remember that time back in our world when I made you sleep on the balcony?"

"...Yes?"

"Well, we have a fire escape. And it's 20 degrees outside."

"Shutting up."

"Mom?" Henry peered into the room.

Emma sat up. "Henry! You should be in bed."

Henry quirked an eyebrow. A family trait if there ever was one. "I couldn't help but overhear...since you guys have been practically yelling."

The adults all glanced at one another sheepishly. Well, Emma and Snow did, they assumed David looked sheepish too, but he was still in hiding.

Taking that as an invitation, Henry hopped onto the bed in the space vacated by his grandfather.

"Why is Gramps on the floor?"

"He's in time out," came Snow's reply.

"I know you guys are freaked out by all this," Henry said. "And I don't blame you. This is like one of those soap operas my mom used to always watch."

Emma snorted. "Regina watches soap operas? Why am I not surprised?"

"The point is," Henry continued. "I know it's weird...but it doesn't have to be all bad."

"Kid, you have two evil queens in your bloodline, not to mention a deranged imp. Doesn't that bother you?"

"You kidding? Mom, how many kids can say their _dad _Peter Pan? How many kids can say their mom has magic and broke the ultimate curse? And I'm sorry, but saying Rumpelstiltskin and Prince Charming are my grampas has made me the most popular kid in school. Everyone wishes their family was like mine!"

Emma and Snow looked on at the boy with equal measures of pride and surprise.

Henry grinned. "Come on, Mom, think about it. Don't you think it's _kinda _cool that your mom and dad are Snow White and Prince Charming?"

Despite herself, a small smile crept its way onto Emma's face. "Okay, maybe it's kinda cool."

Henry gave her a look.

"Okay! So it's awesome!"

"Hey! Our daughter thinks we're awesome!" David exclaimed.

Snow laughed. "Of course she does! Come on Charming, come back if you think you can behave yourself."

Bringing the pillows, David climbed back onto the bed beside Henry, giving him a bearhug.

Henry made a strangled noise and playfully attempted to get away from his Gramps, only to have his Gram attack him with a wet kiss.

"Aw...come on!" he yelled, smiling all the time.

Emma watched her little family play, relishing in the feeling of being whole after a lifetime of being empty.

So their family was a Jerry Springer episode waiting to happen, and maybe several of those members were psychotic...but it was _her_ family. She'd always longed for a family of her own...not a temporary one that allowed her to play pretend for a while...but a real family that she could be a part of and love and fight with. And now it was hers.

Emma finally thought she understood the term 'you don't choose your family.' And for the first time, that phrase didn't sound like such a bad thing.

"And really," Snow said, breathless from laughter. "What family _doesn't_ have a black sheep...or two...or three..."

"Or four if you count Hook," Emma said. Her family gave her puzzled looks. "What? He got with Neal's mother, so that kind of make's him Henry's step-grandfather."

Snow rolled her eyes skyward and groaned, falling back against the mattress.

"Oh no!" David said. "It's one thing to share grandfather-hood with Rumpelstiltskin, I will NOT share with Hook! No way!"

"Aw come on, Gramps," Henry wheedled.

"No," Emma said. "Maybe they can have a Grampa Free for All! Last one standing gets to pull money out from behind Henry's ears!"

"Only if its shirtless," Snow blurted...then turned beat-red and shrugged shyly at three pairs of astonished eyes. "Never mind...so wait, does that mean Cora, Regina and I should have a Gramma Free for All?"

David perked up. "This could get interesting."

"Or terrifying," Emma said. "Can we not do that? Like ever?"

Henry laughed and shook his head. "You guys are weird."

Emma wrapped an arm around her son. "We're all weird, kid. I guess it's kind of great, though, isn't it?"


End file.
